Soon

The pregnancy is progressing well. My IPs have picked out a name for Baby Boy. unfortuantely, I'm not allowed to share. I think that sucks but okay. However, from this point forward, he's "baby B". That much, they'll allow me. His first initial. We're all looking forward to his arrival but not yet. He has a while longer to bake first and I won't hurry his arrival in any way. I'm enjoying the time I'm spending with him now.


Pregnancy Counter at WiddlyTinks.com

Kennel

My IPs told me that they got a dog run for Kos since we’re planning a home birth at their place and I don’t want him in the birth room. I was suspicious and I was definitely right to be suspicious. I know they mean well…but it was a bad choice. They got one of those cable runs with a top cable between two trees and a leash cable to the dog’s collar. It’s sturdy and meant for a dog bigger than Kos. It would hold him. But it wouldn’t be safe. He’s been taught to relax in a closed kennel. Trained to ignore discomfort from his collar to bark and lunge against a leash in a threat display. A kennel keeps people out as much as it keeps him in. That line in their unfenced back yard is just asking for an unsuspecting person to try to pet him and get bitten. Luckily, they can take it back.

I was just going to leave Kos in the kennel at home until Kira reminded me that my last labor was long and that it would take a few days for my milk to come in. I might want Kos for some of that time. With their permission, I’m going to have a temporary kennel installed in their back yard. It won’t be perfect but it will be better than nothing.

Squash

Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though -- as you’ve also probably noticed -- they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.

~TheBump~
Week 29-32

28 weeks, 3 days

Today is 28 weeks and 3 days for us.

My glucose tolerance test was fine. There was actually a great debate about whether I would be having one or not. The midwife said that it was generally recommended but it was our call which left my IM and I debating the merits of the test. In my own pregnancy everything was simple. And I still don't understand why my IM didn't think the test was a good idea. It's not invasive and it is important to my health.

Our relationship is good. I'm holding tight to that. We talk and we do things together. I know that they're excited getting ready for the baby to be born.

I've been trying to stay away from the message boards. It hurts less not to post when I don't see that others can post everything. I feel like I'm in hiding and it's okay for me to feel that way, but I can't let it consume me. I am a traditional surrogate for Greg and Kira. It's part of who I am right now but it's not all of me. When I remember that, I'm less stressed about not being able to talk to people who understand it. I love my counselor.

I have thrown myself in to volunteering this holiday season. It helps the alone feeling. Nursing homes are rewarding to visit. I read to them and talk and play games. They touch the belly and congratulate me. Some of them even regal me with stories of their own pregnancies and births long ago. They don't know that it's a surrogacy. I wonder if it's dishonest not to tell them. They know that I'm there to visit for a few hours a week because I'm not working and not in classes this semester. I have time now but I might not in the future.

My Little wants everything under the sun for Christmas. Her mom has instructed me not to go overboard like I did last year. How do I know if I'm going overboard? I didn't feel like I was going overboard last year. I'm looking forward to shopping on Black Friday.

Eggplant

Let your spouse put an ear to your belly -- he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink -- perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

~TheBump~
Week 25-28

Feelings

I've realized that there's no point in being frustrated or upset by the things I can't share with everyone. I'm never going to do another surrogacy again. This is terrible! I never expected to feel like this.

My IPs are awesome, please don't misunderstand that. They're making sure I have everything I need or could possibly want. I know there are many surrogates out there whose IPs don't pay the bills or don't even seem interested in the pregnancy. Mine aren't like that and I'm lucky in that way.

I just feel so alone. I expected to be able to share this journey online. I expected to be able to enjoy the pregnancy and brag about my progress. I'm the one who's pregnant. And I want to be able to talk about it with people who understand what surrogacy is like. I expected to share the ups and downs with people on SMO and other message boards. I expected to blog about my feelings so others considering surrogacy would see what I feel. I expected to share the pregnancy with my IPs and with everyone instead of hiding it from as many people as possible as I did when I was pregnant with Rose and planning to place for adoption. I can't do any of those things. not being able to feels secretive and wrong.

To some extent, I understand that my IM feels protective of the pregnancy but she can't seem to understand that despite being pregnant with her child, my feelings physical and emotional are mine. I'm experiencing them. And I feel like by asking me not to talk about them to anyone but her, she's wishing I wasn't experiencing them. And then she turns around and shares my feelings with the world - my TS feels this. My TS feels that. - as if she's saying that even though I'm feeling them, those feelings are hers to share or not share as she chooses while I'm forbidden to share with anyone but her.

It makes it hard to tell her anything more than the superficial because I don't know who she'll tell and I have no control over it. I wonder if the reason she wants me to share is that she wants control over who knows. The end result is that the only control I have is to keep my feelings between only me and my counselor or to tell her. It feels unnatural. I hate it.

I feel as isolated as a TS as I did as a first mom. I never expected this. And I'm never doing this again.

Papaya

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

~TheBump~
Weeks 21-24